From Swirling Thoughts to Blogging Words

This is my third attempt at writing a post today. I really wanted to write, but my exhausted brain has too much swirling around in it to come up with anything insightful. I always try and make sure that my blog isn't too diary-like, because I don't think this is really the place for it. But, after some encouragement from my blogging buddy, Grace, I'm going to attempt to put the swirling thoughts into words.

If you've been reading, you know that I'm moving to Brooklyn. Sunday is the day when the boyfriend and I will move the rest of our stuff into our apartment and officially begin living together. I've mostly been focusing on how excited I am to finally live with him, and I'm definitely still feeling that way, but there are some other emotions that I've been feeling that have kind of gotten lost in the shuffle.

I'm sad. As crazy as things have been at home, and as much as there have been times when I've wanted nothing more than to have my own life, I've gotten used to spending lots of time with my parents. I'm one of those lucky people who is very close with both of my parents. I have very different relationships with each of them, and certain things I always do with one or the other, and I'm really going to miss seeing them all the time. Fortunately, I won't be too far away.

I'm also happy to be moving somewhere that is actually close to some of my friends. The past year or so of living at home has been pretty lonely, since my best friend is at grad school in Binghamton, and I don't really have anyone else. Living near NYC means actually getting to see friends, and finally having a post-college social life.

Mostly, these days, the overwhelming emotion has been stress. Moving is a lot of work, especially when the place you're moving to isn't exactly next door. Granted, it's only about an hour from either of our houses, but working full-time means dedicating weekends to the moving process (as a result, I have almost forgotten what a relaxing/fun weekend is like). Then there's the endless task of buying things. No matter how much stuff you think you have from college or previous dwellings, you're still going to spend a lot of money. I wish they had a frequent shopper card at Target, because I have been there more times than I can count in the past month.

This week's major source of stress has been the packing of clothes, accessories, and toiletries. I won't lie, I love clothes (and shoes), and I have a lot of them. Figuring out what to bring, and what will fit, is driving me nuts. Although, again, I'm not moving that far away, I don't know when the next time will be that a car transports things to my apartment, so I keep worrying that I'm going to forget something. I probably have about five different lists going, and I lie in bed at night thinking about them. Are you feeling the brain swirling yet?

As with any new beginning or major life change, I am obviously filled with mixed emotions. Fellow blogger, littlelolita, commented on one of my posts commending me for being such a strong person. I was very grateful to receive such a compliment, but as this post shows, I am not always so strong, and that's perfectly okay. All too often, people apologize (on their blogs or in person) when they feel like they haven't lived up to people's expectations or appeared too vulnerable. Remember that we all make mistakes, freak out, get emotional, overreact, misinterpret, and choose the wrong path...and that's what makes us human.

The People Who Inspire Me

Inspiration can be found in many places, but for me, it’s not about what inspires me, but who inspires me. Certain kinds of people inspire me, those who embody particular values, ideals, or characteristics. I often find that those who inspire me are those I admire and aspire to be like, and it’s no coincidence that those words all share the same root.

To read more about who inspires me, check out my guest post on the wonderful blog of Grace Boyle: Small Hands, Big Ideas.

The Intersection of Work, Love, and Life

Jamie Varon is one of the coolest bloggers around. Not only is she a great writer who's not afraid to speak her mind, but she's also a go-getter. (See this site which promotes her efforts to get a job at Twitter). So, when I saw that Jamie is hosting her very first contest on her blog, I was intrigued. I've decided to enter, not for the prize or the competition, but because the topic really speaks to the state of my life right now. So, here it goes:

“That place where work, love, and life all meet and you wonder, “where the hell do I go from here?”

I am currently standing at the intersection of work, love, and life, and traffic doesn't look like it's slowing down anytime soon. If you've been reading my blog, you know that I've had a lot going on over the past year. (If you haven't been reading, now you know!) I've been approaching this intersection for a while, and now I'm definitely there.

Soon I will complete my third month of working at my first real job. Though I was a journalism major in school, I am working as a Marketing Assistant at an online ad network. With no advertising or marketing background, it's been a bit of a challenge, but it's a great place and I've been learning a lot (WORK). Until now, I've been commuting from home (LIFE), but in a couple of weeks, I'm moving to Brooklyn with my boyfriend (LOVE). We're moving because we want to live together after almost 4 years of mostly long distance (LOVE), and because my company is opening an office in Manhattan (WORK). Both of our mothers are freaking out about us moving out, and trying to get everything done before we officially move into our new place has been super stressful (LIFE).

Despite all of this, I am happy to say that I know exactly "where the hell I go from here." As crazy as things have been at this intersection, I know that this is the beginning of my adult life, and I couldn't be more excited. The "a lot going on" I referred to earlier has included some pretty tough stuff, so the opportunity for a fresh start is worth any amount of stress.

My advice to anyone who is stuck at this intersection and doesn't know where to go: take a minute to evaluate your life. Are you happy? Do you have great people around you? Have you accomplished your goals? If you answered no to any of these questions, then you've just figured out where to go from here. And if you answered yes to all three, then stop worrying about where to go next, and just sit back and enjoy the ride!

A Fresh Start For Spring

Today is the first day of spring, and Mother Nature has a terrible sense of humor. As I was driving to work this morning, I watched in amazement as little white snowflakes began to fall from the sky. I could just picture Mother N. laughing manically. But, despite the ridiculously ironic start to this new season, I'm still really looking forward to it.

I think that spring is my favorite season. It's warm, not freezing cold, or sweltering hot. Nature comes back to life and everything is green and beautiful again. Toes are free in open-toed shoes. It's time for sundresses and skirts, without stockings. It's easier and more pleasant to spend time outdoors. Heavy jackets, hats, and gloves go back into storage.

This year, spring means more to me than just these simple pleasures. It means starting my own grown up life, finally living with my wonderful boyfriend after almost four years of long distance, being more independent, remembering how to have a social life (and having one), spending time with friends, new experiences and adventures...and so much more.

The past year has not been the best, much like a runaway roller coaster at times. But, I knew that things would get better eventually, and now that they have, I plan to make the most of this new season. The term "spring cleaning" can apply to more than floors and windows. Take the opportunity to reevaluate and re-prioritize. Doesn't everyone deserve a fresh start?

Happy Spring!

Remembering Gawa: Why I Support the Alzheimer's Association

I decided that I would designate today as "Philanthropy Friday," and write about a cause that is very important to me. If you read my post about the economy's effect on charities, you know that I'm a supporter of the Alzheimer's Association. In that post, I gave a brief description of why that cause means so much to me, but today I'm going to share the whole story.

My grandma ("Gawa" as I called her) was an amazing lady. She was funny, smart, and strong-willed, and her family meant a lot to her. We were always close, even though she and my grandpa lived in Ohio and I lived in Massachusetts and then New York. She and I would talk on the phone often, and she was always interested in what was going on in my life. I think I might have gotten my love for sending cards from her, because she sent cards for every holiday and occasion. When I was at camp during the summer, she made sure I got plenty of care packages. Even though I was the only grandchild who didn't live in Cleveland, my grandparents made sure that I didn't feel any less loved. I looked forward to visiting them there, and in Florida, and taking cruises with the whole family. Gawa loved beading, the ocean, and spending time with her friends, and she was an avid General Hospital fan.

Several years ago, it seemed like Gawa was forgetting things a lot. For a while, we all figured it was just a result of aging, but after she started having some strange physical symptoms too, she finally went to the doctor. He told her that she had dementia and it was pretty far along. She started taking medication, and at the beginning it seemed like she was pretty much the same. But then, every time I saw her, she had gotten worse. It was a slow, gradual process, but I remember thinking how bad things were each time, and then wishing they could go back to that way the next time.

There are different stages of the disease when certain symptoms are more prominent. I remember one night when my mom and I were visiting my grandparents at their house in Cleveland. We were lying in bed trying to fall asleep, while my grandpa was in the other room trying to get my grandma to take her pills. She started yelling at him, convinced that he was trying to poison her, saying she didn't trust him, and she knew he was just trying to get rid of her. During another visit, we took her to lunch at one of her favorite restaurants and she didn't remember it. She was so quiet that day, she barely spoke and responded to our questions only in disjointed sentences.

After a while, my grandpa hired an aide. But, Gawa hated her, and I mean hated her. She also wasn't trained to deal with people with Alzheimer's or dementia. Fortunately, my mom found a program at a local community center that was affiliated with the Alzheimer's Association. At least there, she was with people who were like her and who understood her condition better.

Although he had put it off as long as possible, things finally got to a point in the fall of 2007 when my grandpa couldn't take care of my grandma on his own anymore. So, she moved into Menorah Park, a campus-sized nursing home and assisted living facility in Cleveland. It was so hard to visit her there. On the one hand, there were so many people who were worse off than she was, at least at the beginning, but on the other hand, she looked so helpless sitting there in a wheelchair that beeped if she tried to get up.

Things continued as they had before. Every visit, she was a little bit worse, but she still seemed happy to see us and knew who we were. Last Spring, she really started to decline. At that point, my mom was visiting once a month, and I was visiting every few months. I think it was in June that we visited for what would be the last time, and fittingly, it was the hardest. For the first time, Gawa didn't know who we were. She stared into the eyes of her only daughter and granddaughter, and as hard as she thought, she just couldn't remember. Throughout the day, she kept looking at us, trying so hard to figure out who these people were who had come to see her, but she never did. In July, her body finally gave into her mind and gave up. In a way, I was happy that she didn't have to suffer anymore, and I hoped with all my heart that she had no idea what was happening to her.

So, if you've made it this far in the post, you understand why the Alzheimer's cause is important to me. I believe that they will one day find a cure, and I plan on doing whatever I can to help so that this terrible disease doesn't cause as much pain for other families as it did for mine. One of the hardest things for me through all of this was feeling so helpless, so in the Fall of 2007, my boyfriend Rob and I participated in the Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk in Washington, D.C. Unfortunately, we decided pretty late, and didn't have much time to fundraise. So, last year, we were much better prepared, and as a result, we were each able to raise over $500 before participating in the walk in NYC. I am so proud of this contribution! This year, I plan on topping it.

As I said in the post about helping charities in this economy, no amount is too small. The Alzheimer's Association even has a campaign right now for $5 donations. People are often hesitant to donate to causes they don't have a connection to, but please don't let that be an excuse. You've read this post, so now you're connected. Please give, if not to this cause, to another one. We have the power to make a difference.

Rob and Me at Memory Walk 2007 in D.C.

The Happiest States in the U.S.A.

Disney World may be "The Happiest Place on Earth," but its home state of Florida was beat out as happiest state by some unlikely locales. According to a recently released Gallup survey, Utah, Hawaii and Wyoming are the happiest states in the U.S., and West Virginia is the least happy.

What makes a state "happy" you ask? Through more than 350,000 interviews with inhabitants of various states, Gallup attempted to determine the well-being of the residents, based on things like feelings of safety in their community, eating habits, satisfaction with their job and work environment, and whether they smile or laugh a lot. Each survey was scored based on the answers given and an average score was calculated to determine the rankings. Results are also given by congressional district. (Check out the full list to find out how your state ranks.)

I was a little surprised by the top three. Okay, two of the top three...I can totally understand why people in Hawaii are happy! The other two are not exactly the places where people dream of moving, but maybe that's part of why the people there are so happy. When I think of serenity and relaxation, I think of somewhere calm and quiet, without stress. For me, the ideal place is on a beach somewhere warm, but it's quite possible that the same things can be found in unexpected places. As exciting as it is to live in New York, it can get pretty intense. No, I'm not planning on picking up and moving to Wyoming anytime soon, but this survey definitely got me thinking about happiness.

So, what do you think of this survey? Are you surprised by the top three states? I'd love to hear other people's opinions.

• How do you judge your level of happiness?
• What is it that makes you truly happy?
• Is there anything we can do to make our states happier?

Life Is Precious

Yesterday I learned of the death of a member of the Eisner Camp family, Jonah Dreskin. Jonah, a 19-year old freshman at the University of Buffalo, was found in critical condition lying on a campus road Sunday night, and died on the way to the hospital. Police are still investigating the cause of his death. I didn't really know Jonah, but I knew of him. He was a fellow rabbi's kid, and spent many years at camp like I did. Though I didn't really know him, I wish I had. I've been reading people's memories of him on the wall of a Facebook group that was created in his memory, and he sounds like an amazing person. If there was ever a Web 2.0 tribute, the group's 900+ members is certainly one of the best I've seen. Jonah clearly touched many lives and will be sorely missed. My thoughts and prayers are with his family, and may his memory be a blessing.

If you've been reading my blog since the beginning, you know that last summer I lost my friend Max. He was only 21, and he had just started to turn his life around. Max meant a lot to me and I can't remember the last time I told him how proud of him I was, or how much I valued his friendship. I miss him every day. The truth is, life isn't fair, bad things happen to good people, and people die too young. The best we can do is live our lives to the fullest, and make sure that we don't take anything or anyone for granted.

When I was about 9 years old, my dad had a heart attack. It was without question the scariest night of my life, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I think that was the first time that I truly realized that life is precious. It made me think about how much I value the people in my life.

I've always been the kind of person who likes to make people feel special. If you read my 25 things post yesterday, you saw that #11 is I like to send cards for birthdays and other occasions. I've sent cards for Rosh Hashanah, Halloween, Christmas/Hanukkah, and Valentine's Day, though not all of them every year, and I try to send birthday cards to my close friends as much as I can. I hardly ever get any back, but that's okay because that's not why I do it. I just think about my friends getting the cards in the mail and the smile on their faces when they open it, and that's all I need. It's sounds really cheesy, but it's true.

So, remember that life is precious. I challenge everyone who is reading this to appreciate someone today. Thank someone for doing a good job or helping you out, tell a friend that you're glad to have them in your life, send an e-mail to a relative you haven't spoken to in a long time. Don't worry about sounding too sappy or lame. Tell someone that they are important to you, that you love them, that you miss them...because the truth is that you never know what tomorrow will bring. How are you going to make the most of today?

Oh, How Things Can Change

There's a corny quote from Ferris Bueller that goes something like this, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around every once and a while, you just might miss it." Corny, but true. It's amazing how much life can change. Sometimes, we have a quiet period, when nothing changes that drastically, but other times, it's just the opposite. If you're a recent college grad like me, just stop for a second and think back to a year ago. How different was your life?

Personally, I've had a lot of stuff going on in the past year, and there are times when it's hard to remember what life used to be like. I wish I'd looked around and appreciated some things more. We always look at what other people are going through and feel happy or sad for them, but we never think it will happen to us. It's not just teenagers who think they are invincible. And even those who are older and wiser, and scoff at the thought of being compared to a teen, probably take things for granted more than they realize.

We're all busy people. We have work, families, friends, and countless activities, but this doesn't mean that we're too busy to look around and appreciate what we have. So, just take a few seconds, because you never know when things will change.