Friday, April 3, 2009

From Swirling Thoughts to Blogging Words

This is my third attempt at writing a post today. I really wanted to write, but my exhausted brain has too much swirling around in it to come up with anything insightful. I always try and make sure that my blog isn't too diary-like, because I don't think this is really the place for it. But, after some encouragement from my blogging buddy, Grace, I'm going to attempt to put the swirling thoughts into words.

If you've been reading, you know that I'm moving to Brooklyn. Sunday is the day when the boyfriend and I will move the rest of our stuff into our apartment and officially begin living together. I've mostly been focusing on how excited I am to finally live with him, and I'm definitely still feeling that way, but there are some other emotions that I've been feeling that have kind of gotten lost in the shuffle.

I'm sad. As crazy as things have been at home, and as much as there have been times when I've wanted nothing more than to have my own life, I've gotten used to spending lots of time with my parents. I'm one of those lucky people who is very close with both of my parents. I have very different relationships with each of them, and certain things I always do with one or the other, and I'm really going to miss seeing them all the time. Fortunately, I won't be too far away.

I'm also happy to be moving somewhere that is actually close to some of my friends. The past year or so of living at home has been pretty lonely, since my best friend is at grad school in Binghamton, and I don't really have anyone else. Living near NYC means actually getting to see friends, and finally having a post-college social life.

Mostly, these days, the overwhelming emotion has been stress. Moving is a lot of work, especially when the place you're moving to isn't exactly next door. Granted, it's only about an hour from either of our houses, but working full-time means dedicating weekends to the moving process (as a result, I have almost forgotten what a relaxing/fun weekend is like). Then there's the endless task of buying things. No matter how much stuff you think you have from college or previous dwellings, you're still going to spend a lot of money. I wish they had a frequent shopper card at Target, because I have been there more times than I can count in the past month.

This week's major source of stress has been the packing of clothes, accessories, and toiletries. I won't lie, I love clothes (and shoes), and I have a lot of them. Figuring out what to bring, and what will fit, is driving me nuts. Although, again, I'm not moving that far away, I don't know when the next time will be that a car transports things to my apartment, so I keep worrying that I'm going to forget something. I probably have about five different lists going, and I lie in bed at night thinking about them. Are you feeling the brain swirling yet?

As with any new beginning or major life change, I am obviously filled with mixed emotions. Fellow blogger, littlelolita, commented on one of my posts commending me for being such a strong person. I was very grateful to receive such a compliment, but as this post shows, I am not always so strong, and that's perfectly okay. All too often, people apologize (on their blogs or in person) when they feel like they haven't lived up to people's expectations or appeared too vulnerable. Remember that we all make mistakes, freak out, get emotional, overreact, misinterpret, and choose the wrong path...and that's what makes us human.

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